


Winding Roads

by lululawrence



Series: The Long Way Home [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, I'm Sorry, Longing, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Open Ending, but they are quite minor, oh and i almost forgot, this is all tyler knott gregson's fault again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 23:53:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5110076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lululawrence/pseuds/lululawrence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis left 5 months, 4 days, and 13 hours ago.  Maybe it was finally time to go back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winding Roads

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, this is...sorry. tkg did it again. it's his fault.
> 
> the title of this work as well as all the lines in italics are from [this daily haiku on love](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/131950177018/the-journey-back-home-after-all-the-winding) by tyler knott gregson. thanks to [val](http://thisismysupersecretblog.tumblr.com) for telling me it was good enough to post.

Louis woke up from his dream, nightmare?, panting and sweating.  What had that been?  He dreamt of Harry every night, how could he not really, but tonight’s had been so incredibly painful.  Vivid.  

Real.

Harry had been sitting at their - his - kitchen table staring at the note Louis had impulsively scribbled down before leaving.  His head had dropped into his hand as he’d let out a sob and the words reverberating through Louis’ entire body still had been choked out between heavy breaths.

“Come back to me.”

_The journey back home,_

 

Louis packed up his single bag and looked around the room he had lived in for the past 5 months, 3 days, and 7 hours.  The doctors had all helped him figure out the right combination of medication, therapy, and physical exertion that would work the best to keep him as in balance as possible, emotionally.  

There had been so many times Louis almost gave up.  Had honestly wanted to give up.  Only the memory of the pain he would cause his mother, sisters, and Harry had kept him from doing anything rash.  

Didn’t mean he hadn’t come up with all the ways he could do it and make things easier for himself.

That was the whole reason he’d finally admitted himself.  Louis knew in his head that the thoughts weren’t healthy and they weren’t thoughts he should be having at all, even if he was able to convince himself not to act upon them, but that didn’t rid him of the guilt he had for even having those thoughts in the first place.

All of that only continued the spiral, really.  And Harry knew something wasn’t right, he did.  But Louis could never bring himself to explain that despite having everything he’d ever wanted, could ever dream of having, and knowing how completely perfect his life was he somehow still had this compulsion to tear things apart bit by bit in his head.

The doctors all continued to tell Louis it wasn’t his fault, it’s the illness, and really he knew that.  He did.  But it still was hard not to blame himself for the pain he knows he put Harry through.

Louis finally grabbed his bag, turned out the light, and left the room.

_after all the winding roads_

Louis scrubbed his face as he jumped onto the train that would take him back to Harry.

God, would he even want to see him?  Louis hoped so.  He had been working this entire time to get himself back to a place that was healthy so he could be the partner Harry deserved.  But Louis wouldn’t blame him if he shut the door right in his face.

Suddenly, Louis was filled with panic.  What if Harry didn’t live in their flat anymore?  What if he’d moved?  

What if he’d moved on?

Louis took the steadying breaths and repeated the mantra he had chosen for himself during one of his numerous support groups.

It is what it is.  It is what it is.

That didn’t mean he didn’t hope things would somehow magically be the same as he left them.  Louis thought back to some of his favorite memories with Harry.  The way Harry was adored by his sisters and loved to humor them in their every whim.  The complete expression of love that was always present whenever he even mentioned his mum or Gemma.  The first time they met, so many years ago, and the way Louis made a complete arse of himself because he was so overwhelmed by the gorgeous man standing right in front of him.

Louis was snapped out of his reverie as his stop was announced and he stood up, preparing to disembark.  He squared his shoulders and tried to suppress the nerves and excitement that were both building within him as he walked the steps he had tread on a daily basis for over four years before this mess he had been living started.

_we’ve wandered so far._

Louis stood staring at the door.  He’d seen that Styles/Tomlinson was still on the mail slot, so he’d taken that as a good sign.  Louis had kept his key, so he let himself into the building with shaking hands and made his way to their flat, but now he was stuck.

Does he just let himself in and call out for Harry?  Today was Saturday, so he should be home unless he had plans.  Does he knock and wait for him to answer the door?  What if he’s not home?

Louis physically shook himself and decided a knock would be the best course of action.  He rapped on the door and waited.

Louis paid closer attention to the carpet that covered the floor and the shabby wood that framed the door than he ever had during the entire time he’d lived here.  He raised his hand and almost knocked again when he heard the sound of the bolt turning and the handle being jiggled as it always had to be in order to actually open the door.  It was ridiculous, but he had to suppress a sob of relief and affection thinking of that shitty door and all the memories he had inside the rooms it opened to him.

As it began to swing into the flat, Louis finally raised his eyes and found the very person he’d been so longing to see.  His home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> please don't hate me. i already have my inspiration for the third and last bit, so hopefully that'll be coming soon. come visit me on [tumblr](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com), and for a rebloggable post, please click [here](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/132232398018/winding-roads-901-words-by-lululawrence).


End file.
